I've been going through one of those "searching" stages. I have felt something missing ever since I served a mission. Most people who know me already know that I tend to be self critical. I believe everyone is self critical to some extent. This is a blessing and a curse; a blessing when it causes positive change and a curse when it gets me down. I came to the realization today that my glory days (during the basketball years) are over. I didn't think it at the time, but I put myself above those around me. I thought the world revolved around me and that it would never end. I was an interesting, kind, loving, and talented person. Who wouldn't want to be around me? Then I served a mission. It was hard. I had some experiences that humbled me. They hurt. I haven't gotten over them. Since I've returned from my mission I have been searching for that passion and joy I once had. I used to be interesting, kind, loving, and talented...what happened? It has been no secret that my life is different than before my mission, but why am I not as outgoing or loving? Why don't I feel very talented anymore?
Today was a good day. Jaret took me to see "New Moon" today. He was surprised to see how I got so into the movie. I was also surprised. I didn't read the books but I was captivated. When the movie ended I realized that I had to go home. I had to go on with my normal life. I didn't want to. It isn't my husband or my daughter. They're the highlights of my life. It is just me. I'm the problem. Jaret and I talked over dinner. It finally dawned on me that I don't have to be better than everyone at everything. Some people just take longer to get that...I'm one of them.
We're all equal. I think I'm okay with that.
1 comment:
You crack me up! I am still sure that I am the most important, cool, fun person in the whole world! I enjoy your same struggle often. I am glad you are part of the blogging world, only really interesting people are:)
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