Life Events

Life Events

Thursday, May 21, 2015   

 

I knew I would be writing about this last few months at some time or another.  What I didn’t realize were some of the twists that would be thrown into the mix.  I’ve always found it fascinating that when heading into planned events we always have one picture in our minds of how we expect it to turn out and often times it has similar results but the details are so different.   I guess you could say we are charging through 3 major life events:  Changing careers/buying a business, moving, and having a baby…or at least we thought we were two days ago. 

CHANGING CAREERS/BUING A BUSINESS

We are buying a Budget Blinds!  I know, I can hardly believe it myself.  Years ago when one of my friends ditched basketball to open one of these franchises in Missoula I thought she was crazy for opening a business with the name “Budget” in it.  But as I watched it bless her life and the lives of other friends who own their own Budget Blinds franchise in Bozeman, I found myself intrigued…which really didn’t matter because Jaret was only mildly interested.   If he’s not on board then it doesn’t matter what I think.  As time progressed, however, Jaret’s interest grew as he noticed and discussed his biking buddies success in his franchise.   If there’s one thing I’ve learned about my husband who has a numbers job right now, numbers speak to him. 

Jaret has been pretty involved with his current career, calling, and the school board here in Ennis.  It seemed like two years of relentless working hours that kept him barely with his head floating above water.  He took his first week long vaction in December and that’s when the wheels started spinning.  We had previously talked about how the Heber/Park City area would be a fantastic place to open a new Budget Blinds franchise but at the time the two territories were split and we couldn’t afford to buy them both.  Our Missoula friends gave us tips on franchises for sale and so on but none of them seemed to feel like the one to go for.  We also considered Alaska and I was thrilled that our recruiter suggested that Alaska might be a better vacation spot then a permanent home.  Somehow that spoke to Jaret and I had no complaints about giving that option up!  So, the blinds thing was on the table but it was more just a thought and topic of conversation.  After all, we have been discussing this for years.  This time words started to turn into action because the timing was right.   We were already planning on selling our house so we could afford for me to stay home and have another baby, but we also realized that we sell the house and use the money to help us get into this franchise.

We talked to the BB recruiter weekly, called other franchisee’s, Jaret worked a full day with Budget Blinds of Bozeman and was constantly harassing him for information for hours on the phone.   I even spent a day in Bozeman with the office trying to cram as much as possible into my brain.  The amazing Budget Blinds team even agreed upon combining the Park City and Heber territories because of how small the Park City Territory was to start with.  We are really blessed for this to work out and if this territory were on the board as it is now I have no doubt it would have been snatched up before we could get to it! 

Once February rolled around I was pleasantly surprised to see Jaret’s interest increasing.   By March, he was ready to go all in.  Only, he seemed to forget to let me know that part.  He had gotten on me at one point for leaking information because he didn’t want to jeopardize any of his current positions…and in a small town I don’t think that’s hard to do.  So, completely against my nature I tried to deflect questions (feeling like complete liar, even though I never “technically” lied.  I hate doing that.)  Come to find out later, he tells me that he told his boss!  Let’s just say that there was some tension about that one not being discussed beforehand.   BUT, with all the tension that has come from this whole thing, it really has been something that has brought the void that was between us to a close.  We’ve never been closer.  I can only hope it continues. 

At the end of March we took a little couples vacation and flew to California.  We went to a bunch of beaches and to a Budget Blinds Discovery Day.   We loved the whole thing and resolved tons of reservations concerning the business.  We love the team that runs the show and the vision they have for the franchise.   I think that’s were Jaret’s decision was cemented in and he wanted in to this business more then I’ve seen him want anything…accept probably me and our kids ;)  …there was only one problem.  The clock was ticking and the house wasn’t selling.

MOVING

When we bought our house, two years ago, I made a deal to Jaret that I would work part time for that two years so we could have this nice home/investment.  We agreed we would then sell, so I could stay home and have another kid.  While I was dispatching I learned for myself a few reasons stay at home wifes & mothers were so important and was aching to be home taking care of my family.  So, I quit and have never regretted the financial strain.  In fact, I don’t know how God does it but he has made such a beautiful life for us where I work a few days a month subbing and I teach piano lessons two days a week.  The bills still get paid and I am home with my family the majority of the time.  Well, sort of.  As it turns out, keeping a house clean for showings is a full time job in and of itself.  I clean A LOT.  It’s been really nice to live in such a clean home and has probably dissipated the chaos going on around us.  It took me about nine months to go through everything in the house, plus de-clutter and toss clutter into the storage unit or give it away.   I got some advice from a friend and brought a few decorations into the home and it has made the place shine.  Why didn’t we do that sooner? J

With reasons for selling steadily changing from, “sell to have a baby”, to, “Sell to buy a business”, the pressure was increasing to get this place under contract.  We listed it March 2^nd at a fair price in hopes that it would go within the month.  No dice.  April?  Uh uh.   Well, we missed the opportunity to do the end of April training.  Our two next options were mid June or September, and heaven knows we didn’t want to have to wait that long.  So, we called up our agent and bought her lunch.  We chat about some incentives and things we could do to get the house under contract before the month was out and she worked miracles…that day actually.

Our listing agent (Tanya Mattson with Birkshire Hathaway if you’re looking for a good agent) was at the office that same day and answered a call for another agent.  Someone was asking to look at a different property and Tanya pepped up, “Well, don’t you want to see my property on Sunset Court?”  She booked an appointment with them for the following day and by the next week we settled on a cash offer and a closing date of June 8^th.   I have no doubt that God was looking out for us.  How could he not be, If the house didn’t sell soon my husband would soon be anorexic due to how often he was fasting and praying for this to happen.  I’ve never seen someone so motivated to sell a house.  He’s been right there cleaning and fixing things up every chance he could get.  I really couldn’t have held it all together without him.  So, the house is supposed to close before the mid June training, we should have a check for the franchise owners, we’ve taken a personal loan out for survival in the first few months, we are looking for a cargo van for the business, and we even found a place to live in Heber!

Finding a place in Heber turned out to be more of a challenge then we realized it would be.  I thought housing would be more affordable in Utah, not more expensive.  You can get into a decent house for under a grand in Ennis.  In Heber the supply of available housing is low and the demand is hi and we found ourselves facing a range between $1500 for low end housing and as high as $2500 for a nicer housing with three Bedrooms and a garage (Planning for the new baby and business office and place to store inventory).  We could have gotten into an apartment for around $1200 but we need a garage to store blinds. Now ya know).  My jaw hit the ground.  We were budgeting for around $1200/month and were not planning on this budget buster.  I guess it’s good we didn’t jump in and buy the brand new van for $30k.  I think we’re going to go for a cheaper alternative to make up the difference. 

Last weekend we set up some appointments to walk through all the options available to us…like 3.  The three options ranged from $1400 to $1950.  Gulp.  The more affordable priced home was not as nice but perfect layout for what we needed.  We were not at the top of their list and we didn’t get the house.  The expensive condo for $1950 (all utilities included) was fully furnished in what felt like retirement community.  We could have taken that but all I could see was my kids destroying the nice furniture.  Last, we were going to take a look at a really nice home for $1875.  I told Jaret.  There is no point in us even looking at this house because I know I’m going to love it and it’s just too high for our budget.   We let the kids play at the park around the corner while we waited for our appointment  and Jaret said, “you’re going to have to do a lot of convincing to get me to commit to this house.”  I didn’t want to convince him though, because I was struggling with my selfish desires of wanting to be in a nice home versus sucking it up in a small place to help us get our feet under us with the business.   We went and looked anyway…and we probably would have taken it if the renters before us didn’t claim it!   The property managers mentioned another home that would be listed soon and gave us the address to drive by.  Deflated, we drove by and saw that the yard was in pretty bad shape…what did that mean for the interior?  The PM’s met us and we briefly chatted about the home but they didn’t have pricing and other details worked out with the owner yet.  We let them know we were interested and would wait to hear from them.  We drove by a few other places that were really expensive or dives and just couldn’t seem to find what felt like the right fit.  We returned to Montana empty handed.  Frankly, it ticked me off.  Mostly because I was torn not knowing if my desires were legitimate concerns for a nice home for our family or selfishness I couldn’t get past. 

Days later we heard back from the nice property managers with information and later with pictures.  The house looked really nice inside and they could get us into it for $1700/month.  After seeing our limited options, getting beat to the punch, and deciding against the ghetto neighborhoods, Jaret and I submitted our applications and were approved!  All we needed to do is send in the deposit…but a twist was in the works that made me question if we still should.  I had a gut feeling I was having a miscarriage.   

HAVING A BABY

It has taken me a long time to have the guts to plunge back into another pregnancy.  After having the girls, I had had such a hard time staying out of a chronic rut that I had finally climbed out of that I could barely stand the thought of going back to the darkness.  The good news is that I knew I would eventually feel better, because I was.  So, in December we had my IUD removed and went on faith from there.  At about the same time I joined a running group.  Although I felt like a tubby marshmallow trudging along behind these ladies, I found motivation to eventually run WITH them someday.  I kept at it and slowing saw myself shedding the laborious pounds I so much wanted to part with.  By March I was really starting to feel good and even signed up for a 12k at the Lewis & Clark Caverns with these sweet ladies.  I did a pre-run of the course and was slow but steady.  I felt pretty good and was extremely motivated!  What I didn’t know at this time in early March was that Buck Buck #3 was growing in my belly.   At the mid to end of March I got a nasty bug that put Jaret and I out of commission for about a week.  I’m not sure what caused the miscarriage but I wouldn’t be surprised if this had anything to do with it.   Regardless, at around the same time, I noticed that I was days past due for my period and a pregnancy test came up positive!  Of course we were thrilled, but I was slightly sad that I have finally started losing weight and now it would have to go on hold.  April proved to have nauseating morning sickness throughout the day that drove me to massive amounts of carbs and ultimately I gained the weight back that I had lost.  Running was back to feeling arduous but I was determined to maintain physical activity during this pregnancy.  I really started feeling better once May arrived and thoughts of eating healthy actually seemed appealing.  My most recent run on Monday felt really good…for the first half.  Then I started experiencing some cramping.  I walked for few minutes but was on a time crunch to pick up my daughter.  I finished strong and feeling a little better.  Overall I was glad I had gone. 

In previous pregnancies I remember being able to feel the ridge of my uterus as it grew with baby inside.  Throughout this pregnancy I kept feeling my tummy but could never really find a distinctive ridge.  My uterus tips back a little so I tried not to worry too much about it but with it being week 11 I was wondering what was up.  My stomach was clearly growing bigger but I gave myself another nice tummy massage trying to find this ridge. Nothing. I asked Jaret to feel and he said he felt the ridge, but I still wasn’t there.  It was the next day when I had some spotting and that evening (Tuesday) I really started to feel some heavy cramping and I knew that it was bad news.  I was thrilled about getting the news of being approved for this new house but if I was having a miscarriage would we really need that third room?  Jaret said we should still go for it and we sent in our non-refundable deposit.  The house is actually something I am so excited about!  It is a 3 Bed, 2 Bath with an unfinished basement so we will have plenty of room.  It backs up to a park and I’ve heard there are lots of kids in the neighborhood!  I loved growing up with lots of friends and I’m so glad that my kids can have a taste of that too. 

I went to bed with strong cramps and awoke the next morning with no relief. A bathroom break proved to be the beginning of quite the “release”.  I ended up spending the next hour in the shower with blood clots and tissue clogging the drain.  I was supposed to be a chaperone for Hollands fieldtrip that day and before the big bleeding fest I was going to gruel through it.  Poor Holland somehow made it past Jaret and saw me with blood running down my legs.  I told her I wasn’t going to be able to go on the field trip with her and that I was sorry.  She asked why I had blood and I had to explain that we wouldn’t be having a baby after all. 

“It died?”, she asked. 

“Yes,” I replied in tears. 

“It’s okay, we can have another one, right?” 

“Yes, we should be able to have another one sweetie.”

“Can I get you some cloths or something? Here is some toilet paper if you need some.”

That’s when she started crying.  I crouched down trying to hide my bloody legs and give her a hug through the shower.  I asked if she was sad about me missing the field trip or about the baby. 

“I’m sad you can’t come on the field trip and that our baby died.”

“Me too sweetie,” I sobbed.

I told Jaret I would just go into the clinic here in town so he could still go to work.  With the amount of blood I was losing I didn’t want to drive into Bozeman feeling light headed.  Jaret took Holland to school and was back informing me he was going to take the day off of work and drive me to Bozeman.  I agreed and tried to find a good stopping point that would allow me to throw something under me to help control the bleeding.  Once I was finally dressed we headed out.  We weren’t able to get into the OBGYN so we headed to the emergency room.  They checked me in and checked me out.  Took an ultrasound and by the time we finally heard back about results we had been there for about four hours.   They recommended a D&C to clean a lot of extra tissue and blood out of my uterus.  The doctor also mentioned that the tissue was very vascular and they wanted to test it to see if it was a form of cancer.  He said the chances were small that it would be the case but we are still waiting for the results.  That’s a little nerve wracking but we are keeping our fingers crossed. If it does come back “Molar”, there is a possibility it could have gotten into my lungs and even brain.  I can’t say that I would like a twist like that to come into the story, so once again, I’m anxiously awaiting results. 

We consented to the D&C and didn’t realize I would have to be put under for the “surgery”.  Poor Jaret was being put through the wringer and said through tears, “I’ve already lost one today, I don’t want to lose another.”  It has been endearing to see how much my husband loves me.  It’s really tough to see each other suffer and I realize that he is going through much of the same thing I am but without the physical affects.  I think it is sometimes harder to see others go through trials then it is to go through them yourself.  We called some friends to assist in administer a Priesthood Blessing and I once again found myself sobbing as my husband could hardly get the words out to ask our buddy for his help.  I remember when Jaret had to have emergency surgery for his appendix and it was excruciating waiting for him to come out of surgery.  I knew Jaret would have to go through the same thing.

By 3pm they had me wheeling through the hall on my bed.  Everything felt surreal. So much so that I felt like I was in a movie.  I’ve never had surgery before.  I said goodbye to my hubby and sweet daughter and off they took me through the maze of hallways.  I secretly wanted them to run with the bed because it would have been fun, but like I would be that lucky.  As they wheeled me into the operating room it totally looked like the movies; everything so clean and stark.  My thoughts went directly to the idea that I would have an out of body experience and find myself hovering above everyone as I watched them work on my motionless body.  I probably freaked everyone out when I revealed my morbid mind but I thought it was funny…and I didn’t end up doing the creepy hovering thing, for the record. 

I didn’t come out of the anesthesia until around 5pm.  I guess I had lost a lot of blood; more then they expected.  Luckily I didn’t have to have a transfusion but they kept me under for a little longer.  When I finally did wake up I seemed to be able to wake up pretty quickly.  They told me that I had lost a lot of blood and put a balloon in my uterus with about a quarter cup of fluid to blow it up.  They were going to keep it in for a while then gradually release it with the hopes that my bleeding would subside.  Happily, it worked. 

All the doctors and staff at the Bozeman Deaconess Hospital were very kind to me.  I got teary eyed just because of how kind the admitting nurse was.  I know a lot of people are happy to get out of hospitals as fast as they can, but I think I secretly like the attention and all of the pampering.  I don’t mind being draped with warm blankets, and being fed ice chips because I’m shaking too badly from the anesthetic.  I love having my husband bring me pudding and chocolate milk.  I love being able to chat with nurses with no rush to go anywhere.  I usually stay for as long as I can when I have a kid because it means no cooking or cleaning tugging at my conscience. 

Finally, it was time to go home.  After overcoming my dizziness and being wheeled to my car we said goodbye and headed off for the pharmacy.  I’m not much for drugs…except when they are legitimately needed.  At around 2pm last night they wore off and I could not lay on my stomach or bottom.  Everything was on fire, so I sat on the pot while I waited for the ibuprofen to take charge.  It was very welcome when it finally set in an hour later.

Today has gone well.  I’ve kept up on the meds and the body feels pretty good with a little soreness here and there.  What would I do without drugs, eh?  I’ve been flooded with support from friends and family and the day has flown by.  I keep asking myself how I feel about everything and I often times can’t figure it out.  I’m so sad that we won’t be having our baby.  I have hope that we will be able to try again soon and hopefully have some good news again within the year.  I feel blessed to have such amazing support from my friends and family.  Even my little daughters keep asking if I’m feeling better.  All of the support has made this challenge so much easier.  I’m not sure if more sadness will set in later.  I woke up and shed a few tears and I find myself tearing up once in a while.  But what I’m most surprised to feel it peace and calm.  It kind of feels out of place for such a circumstance, to feel so calm.  Shouldn't I be bawling my eyes out for this heart wrenching situation?  I dunno.  I’m not.  I’m sad, but okay. 

I am trying to see some of the positive things that will come with this sudden change.  I felt that my weight loss journey was cut short when I found out I was expecting.  Since I have a second chance to attack the fat I am hoping to maintain the motivation to really make some progress.  Since we are moving, I’m also excited to get out and do some hiking and exploring with the girls and my man.  I want to step it back up with my running.  I also see this as an opportunity to help my hubby get this business running.  I think he is going to have his hands absolutely full and I can be a huge help in lightening the burden. 

All in all, I feel that God has strengthened me in my trials.  I see His hand in the timing of selling our home, finding a rental, moving before Jaret has to go off for his two week training and even in this miscarriage.  I have a feeling that this business is going to be much more difficult than I’m realizing and I just don’t know if the hormones of pregnancy would produce a sane, supportive wife.  I dunno the reasons for having this miscarriage, but I do feel that God is in control of my life and there are good reasons for why He leads it in the direction He does.  I’m grateful for my Heavenly Father and all He has blessed me with.  I really do hope that within a few months we can receive happy news that we are expecting again.  In the mean time I’ve got PLENTY of distractions to keep me occupied.