I have a cold. I think you should know that. Whoever you are. Just know it doesn't feel good. I think it has reached it's peak. My head and sinuses are pounding. I think Hollands are too. She has been so sweet. I attempted to sleep in this morning and she brought me a blanket. Later she brought me a zebra puppet so I wouldn't be scared. I finally dragged myself out of bed as Jaret left for work at 8am. Once downstairs I was informed by Holland that she had eaten and I should eat breakfast too. I sat with Holland for a second on the couch. She got up, grabbed herself a tissue and sat down. "Mommy," She said, "I haf a wipe my nose and my eyes get water in them. That's ok. I can wipe my eyes with toiet paper. ...[Sneeze] scuse me. I sneeze. I am ok." After tucking my patient but sick little girl into her blanket on the couch, I sat down and chomped away at some breakfast (I had Corn Chex in case you were wondering). Holland thoughtfully got up off the couch and brought me a wad of toilet paper for my running nose. "Mom, here you go." Holland can be so thoughtful. It's really sweet to see.
I can't believe it's March! I knew that my simple Ennis life would not last long. I enjoyed it while I had it. I sat around, went for walks, watched movies, took the kids to the park and the library, chose which days to do my grocery shopping, cleaned, and played. That will all now be squished. Farewell laziness. Welcome back frantic. Hopefully I'm just looking at temporary insanity. Here's what the next two month have in store for me and the fam: We're buying a house, I'm teaching a church lesson the same weekend we move, I started a new job and have yet two more to start, we're going to Portland to pick up our new puppy, and since we will continue potty training the puppy I may even attempt to potty train Buck Buck #2, Brooklyn.
As you can see, we are extremely blessed. I can't complain about the business but I do find my head spinning. Jaret and I keep thinking and talking about how incredibly excited we are to get into this new place. It is the perfect size for our family. I am dreaming of the organization we could potentially have in our new home. It's amazing what an extra room can do for a family!
A little about our new house. It is three bedrooms, two bathrooms, has an extra office, a cute layout and a shop area in the garage! All of this is super exciting to us! We will be on one floor and wont have stairs to contend with. We're hoping that will result in it being a little easier to keep the house clean. We currently find ourselves stacking stuff to be taken up the stairs. Not the most appealing views for visitors. Jaret is thrilled to build a bench for his tools in the garage and I love the idea of having a little extra room for the bikes. There is a little landscaping done with some rock gardens around the house but we will still need to do some work to get some grass and a garden in. It's a fun idea to have antelope and deer constantly within our view but I'm not thrilled I have to spend the money on a tall fence to protect any plant I attempt to plant and grow. Nevertheless, this place is perfect for our family!
I started substitute teaching at the schools here. I've had quite a few opportunities to fill in for teachers this month! I'm enjoying getting to know the students and am finding bits of my more youthful personality creeping back in. I love the energy that youth bring. I have felt myself gravitate toward them since moving to Ennis. I don't know if it's because of the vast numbers of older folk, but I'll take it. I don't make much as a sub after daycare expenses are taken out for my two little munchkins. Half days are almost a laugh. I think after expenses I take home less then $10. Full days are a little better but don't amount to much. In spite of the amount, if I sub an average of two days a week it will make up the difference for what we need with our expenses and give the girls opportunities to make friends at the daycare. The first day I left them was so much harder then I realized it would be. I feel a twinge of guilt leaving them with others but we haven't had a lot of success in finding many friends for the kids here. Winter seems to consist of kids going to daycare or being homebodies. The only place to socialize with other moms is once a week at the libraries Books n' Babies.
Since I've been subbing I find myself unmotivated to prep our current residence for the move. I'm warn out and can barely keep up after my daily tornadoes demolishing the house, let alone packing on top of that. Ideally, I would like to have everything pre-cleaned, packed, and organized by room so I can make moving weekend a breeze. The added pressure is totally unnecessary...but for some reason that doesn't mean I wont continue to put it on myself. We're packing a lot into this month and I figure if I deep clean now I can do a quick disinfecting wipe-down the weekend we move. That means that the extra time I would have spent cleaning can be spent on my church lesson and speed unpacking before we leave for Portland to pick up our new puppy, Hero. Plus, the sooner we get out of our rental the sooner the new tenant can move in (which I guess is a huge help to her)...and our rent will be pro-rated ;). No complaints there.
About the upcoming new jobs. Come mid April, I will be teaching a basic basketball class in the evenings twice a week for adult education and starting at Sugar High. I'm completely in charge of the curriculum and training for the basketball class. I have no idea how many people, if anyone, will sign up for the class so I have to plan on anywhere from two students to twenty. I have a basic outline put together but I still have to work on the details, worksheets, and curriculum. That will be time consuming but I will be able to use all of the information I organize for just about anything I want to in the future...like coaching ;)
Sugar High is a local business built last year in place of a Dairy Queen. Mostly teachers work there but they have invited a few of us to jump in and help out this year. I attended the first meeting yesterday and found myself being faced with something entirely different then I expected. I thought I was being hired as an hourly employee. As it turns out, I get to buy in and be part owner. At the end of the month after all the bills are paid, the rest of us get a pay-out. If we don't make money, we don't get paid. I love the set up because all of us working have an incentive to be productive and earn the business money. Last year it did very well and with a few bugs worked out things should go smoothly this year as well. I've never worked at a fast food place, let alone own a small portion of one. We all need to take our turn, right? To start out I will probably only work about 4 hours a week. Once I'm done teaching my class and summer is into full swing I will be working two 10 hour days or 20 hours a week. This will definitely yield more then subbing and can help us get ahead for the winter months.
Last of all, the dog. Jaret has been whittling away at my dog resistance for years. His chance to break off that last HUGE chunk of resistance when his sister asked if we wanted one of her dogs babies. Initially I said no, but between him and his family unintentionally giving me guilt trips....I caved. Ahhhhh! I told Jaret he is completely in charge of the thing but I already know I'm going to end up the primary care taker. That's just how it works. Jaret thinks I need to love this dog and I think that would be in everyone's best interest because it will dramatically reduce resentment and complaining. I am making attempts at liking him through pictures but as you can tell, I'm not all the way there yet. I got to have the final say on his name. Some of our options were Taco, Oreo, Rocket, and Tornado. We decided on Hero and it seems like it will fit him well. Hero has been hanging out at his Aunty Tiana's house learning how to go potty this last couple of weeks. She was nice enough to agree to potty train Hero for us. We will relieve her of her duties over Easter Weekend.
So, back to the unnecessary pressure I'm putting on myself. I take it back. It's completely necessary to have my house packed up, cleaned and organized by the 22nd of this month. I'm not going to have any time to unpack once Hero is here. I will have to get it all done before we leave on the 28th. Working two part time jobs on top of being an incredible mother to my kids (that last part is wishful thinking) will be enough. But any extra time aside from that will be spent cleaning up dog hair, accidents, saving the dog from terrorizing hands, saving shoes and furniture from teeth & drool, and possibly (not very likely) cuddling with my Hero.
With all of this mumbo jumbo said, I better get to work. It doesn't matter that my head is spinning, my eyes are watering, my nose is running. It doesn't matter that I have no energy, no motivation. I have a house to clean! I have kids to play with! I have boxes to pack! So, I leave you with this mixed up thought I had last night as I was TRYING to fall asleep-
I was thinking about this quote a little bit, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God ... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
I was thinking about how much I hold myself back. I make excuses. I think I can't do something or think something will go wrong. Sometimes I think the good wont last or I my excuse is laziness and I don't FEEL like doing something. Whatever the excuse, my head games hold me back. As I was thinking about this a light went on. These are some of those thoughts:
-All that crap that we heard growing up about us being able to control our own destinies...it turns out that it's true. We can truly become what we want to become...if we let ourselves. I'm not talking about being an astronaught or Fireman. I'm talking about becoming our best selves. We are our own worst enemies. We let our minds get in the way of our hearts. We let our rush get in the way of our reality. I have the capacity to overcome any trial and accomplish any task. It's not a matter of physical hurdles, it's a mental hurdle. When I stop making excuses, set my goals and just get to work I will accomplish. I believe that God wants me to be the best I can be. I believe He will do everything I will LET Him do to accomplish that. I believe that I can be a blessing to someone. Now I need LET MYSELF do what I was destined to do. I was destined for greatness. I was destined to succeed. Head games, who needs them? We got this.-
I can't believe it's March! I knew that my simple Ennis life would not last long. I enjoyed it while I had it. I sat around, went for walks, watched movies, took the kids to the park and the library, chose which days to do my grocery shopping, cleaned, and played. That will all now be squished. Farewell laziness. Welcome back frantic. Hopefully I'm just looking at temporary insanity. Here's what the next two month have in store for me and the fam: We're buying a house, I'm teaching a church lesson the same weekend we move, I started a new job and have yet two more to start, we're going to Portland to pick up our new puppy, and since we will continue potty training the puppy I may even attempt to potty train Buck Buck #2, Brooklyn.
As you can see, we are extremely blessed. I can't complain about the business but I do find my head spinning. Jaret and I keep thinking and talking about how incredibly excited we are to get into this new place. It is the perfect size for our family. I am dreaming of the organization we could potentially have in our new home. It's amazing what an extra room can do for a family!
A little about our new house. It is three bedrooms, two bathrooms, has an extra office, a cute layout and a shop area in the garage! All of this is super exciting to us! We will be on one floor and wont have stairs to contend with. We're hoping that will result in it being a little easier to keep the house clean. We currently find ourselves stacking stuff to be taken up the stairs. Not the most appealing views for visitors. Jaret is thrilled to build a bench for his tools in the garage and I love the idea of having a little extra room for the bikes. There is a little landscaping done with some rock gardens around the house but we will still need to do some work to get some grass and a garden in. It's a fun idea to have antelope and deer constantly within our view but I'm not thrilled I have to spend the money on a tall fence to protect any plant I attempt to plant and grow. Nevertheless, this place is perfect for our family!
I started substitute teaching at the schools here. I've had quite a few opportunities to fill in for teachers this month! I'm enjoying getting to know the students and am finding bits of my more youthful personality creeping back in. I love the energy that youth bring. I have felt myself gravitate toward them since moving to Ennis. I don't know if it's because of the vast numbers of older folk, but I'll take it. I don't make much as a sub after daycare expenses are taken out for my two little munchkins. Half days are almost a laugh. I think after expenses I take home less then $10. Full days are a little better but don't amount to much. In spite of the amount, if I sub an average of two days a week it will make up the difference for what we need with our expenses and give the girls opportunities to make friends at the daycare. The first day I left them was so much harder then I realized it would be. I feel a twinge of guilt leaving them with others but we haven't had a lot of success in finding many friends for the kids here. Winter seems to consist of kids going to daycare or being homebodies. The only place to socialize with other moms is once a week at the libraries Books n' Babies.
Since I've been subbing I find myself unmotivated to prep our current residence for the move. I'm warn out and can barely keep up after my daily tornadoes demolishing the house, let alone packing on top of that. Ideally, I would like to have everything pre-cleaned, packed, and organized by room so I can make moving weekend a breeze. The added pressure is totally unnecessary...but for some reason that doesn't mean I wont continue to put it on myself. We're packing a lot into this month and I figure if I deep clean now I can do a quick disinfecting wipe-down the weekend we move. That means that the extra time I would have spent cleaning can be spent on my church lesson and speed unpacking before we leave for Portland to pick up our new puppy, Hero. Plus, the sooner we get out of our rental the sooner the new tenant can move in (which I guess is a huge help to her)...and our rent will be pro-rated ;). No complaints there.
About the upcoming new jobs. Come mid April, I will be teaching a basic basketball class in the evenings twice a week for adult education and starting at Sugar High. I'm completely in charge of the curriculum and training for the basketball class. I have no idea how many people, if anyone, will sign up for the class so I have to plan on anywhere from two students to twenty. I have a basic outline put together but I still have to work on the details, worksheets, and curriculum. That will be time consuming but I will be able to use all of the information I organize for just about anything I want to in the future...like coaching ;)
Sugar High is a local business built last year in place of a Dairy Queen. Mostly teachers work there but they have invited a few of us to jump in and help out this year. I attended the first meeting yesterday and found myself being faced with something entirely different then I expected. I thought I was being hired as an hourly employee. As it turns out, I get to buy in and be part owner. At the end of the month after all the bills are paid, the rest of us get a pay-out. If we don't make money, we don't get paid. I love the set up because all of us working have an incentive to be productive and earn the business money. Last year it did very well and with a few bugs worked out things should go smoothly this year as well. I've never worked at a fast food place, let alone own a small portion of one. We all need to take our turn, right? To start out I will probably only work about 4 hours a week. Once I'm done teaching my class and summer is into full swing I will be working two 10 hour days or 20 hours a week. This will definitely yield more then subbing and can help us get ahead for the winter months.
Last of all, the dog. Jaret has been whittling away at my dog resistance for years. His chance to break off that last HUGE chunk of resistance when his sister asked if we wanted one of her dogs babies. Initially I said no, but between him and his family unintentionally giving me guilt trips....I caved. Ahhhhh! I told Jaret he is completely in charge of the thing but I already know I'm going to end up the primary care taker. That's just how it works. Jaret thinks I need to love this dog and I think that would be in everyone's best interest because it will dramatically reduce resentment and complaining. I am making attempts at liking him through pictures but as you can tell, I'm not all the way there yet. I got to have the final say on his name. Some of our options were Taco, Oreo, Rocket, and Tornado. We decided on Hero and it seems like it will fit him well. Hero has been hanging out at his Aunty Tiana's house learning how to go potty this last couple of weeks. She was nice enough to agree to potty train Hero for us. We will relieve her of her duties over Easter Weekend.
So, back to the unnecessary pressure I'm putting on myself. I take it back. It's completely necessary to have my house packed up, cleaned and organized by the 22nd of this month. I'm not going to have any time to unpack once Hero is here. I will have to get it all done before we leave on the 28th. Working two part time jobs on top of being an incredible mother to my kids (that last part is wishful thinking) will be enough. But any extra time aside from that will be spent cleaning up dog hair, accidents, saving the dog from terrorizing hands, saving shoes and furniture from teeth & drool, and possibly (not very likely) cuddling with my Hero.
With all of this mumbo jumbo said, I better get to work. It doesn't matter that my head is spinning, my eyes are watering, my nose is running. It doesn't matter that I have no energy, no motivation. I have a house to clean! I have kids to play with! I have boxes to pack! So, I leave you with this mixed up thought I had last night as I was TRYING to fall asleep-
I was thinking about this quote a little bit, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God ... And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson
I was thinking about how much I hold myself back. I make excuses. I think I can't do something or think something will go wrong. Sometimes I think the good wont last or I my excuse is laziness and I don't FEEL like doing something. Whatever the excuse, my head games hold me back. As I was thinking about this a light went on. These are some of those thoughts:
-All that crap that we heard growing up about us being able to control our own destinies...it turns out that it's true. We can truly become what we want to become...if we let ourselves. I'm not talking about being an astronaught or Fireman. I'm talking about becoming our best selves. We are our own worst enemies. We let our minds get in the way of our hearts. We let our rush get in the way of our reality. I have the capacity to overcome any trial and accomplish any task. It's not a matter of physical hurdles, it's a mental hurdle. When I stop making excuses, set my goals and just get to work I will accomplish. I believe that God wants me to be the best I can be. I believe He will do everything I will LET Him do to accomplish that. I believe that I can be a blessing to someone. Now I need LET MYSELF do what I was destined to do. I was destined for greatness. I was destined to succeed. Head games, who needs them? We got this.-
2 comments:
Great post, Hillar. You have always been awesome. You just keep getting awesomer! Is that a word? It is now. Good luck getting over the cold. That will definitely help! Just be glad you won't train Hero to go jump in the tub when he gets scared. Ha Ha! Does that remind you of anything?
YAY that you are loving Ennis! Your various work prospects sound very exciting...and YAY for Laurence for finally convincing you to get a puppy. Although you're still slowly adjusting to the idea, believe me - you'll LOVE having a dog! Its great for the kiddies too!
And Im fully on board with your last paragraph - we are the ones that stand in our own way sometimes.
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